When you’re trying to make a baby, and failing to make a baby, and paying out the arse to make a baby, there’ll be someone who makes you feel just a little better about the situation. Maybe it’s your partner, maybe a friend, for me, strangely, it seems to be my father.
When I was younger, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my father. This makes our relationship now kinda weird. He doesn’t feel like a parent, rather, we’re just two adults who like each other, happen to have similar interests and do stuff together.
It so happens, therefore, that my father is the only other person, besides my wife, who has heard all the gritty emotional details of our TTC frolics. This is a situation that I would have never seen eventuating. I always thought of my father as the last person to look to for life advice.
Maybe it’s age and wisdom, maybe it’s his way of never doing things the logical or generic way, or his wacky way of thinking or that he seems to be singularly and enviably at peace with life, the universe and everything. Either way. He’s a good bloke to talk to about the frustrating meaninglessness that is infertility.
The last time I saw him, I told him how we were going with it, and how it had failed, yet again. I got teary and started feeling like the horrible void of nasty barren womb feelings was going to swallow me up… yet again.
“Look”, he said, ending a long and difficult conversation in his usual sage style. “The thing is, some people just get pregnant by accident. That’s because they need to learn some responsibility. Now, you’re already responsible! So, you must just need to learn a different lesson.”
It’s most certainly BS but it made me feel better. I know I’m getting wiser from all this. I know my relationship with my wife is getting stronger and more complex. I know I’m more assertive and more confident and more sensitive to my own needs. I feel like an adult for the first time in my life, not just a teenager masquerading as a responsible grown up human.
One day I’ll finishing learning this darn pesky lesson and then finally it will rain babies**!!!
** In a really controlled fashion, I should think.